The Antidote for Infertility Shame

Just after my 30th Birthday, my partner and I started trying for a baby. 3 months ago I celebrated my 35th Birthday and I’m still not a Mum, nor am I pregnant. My partner and I have been on a natural conception journey for five years now, and up until recently I’ve been pretty hush, hush about it.

Even though I feel like I’m getting closer to becoming a mother, rather than further away from my dream, I still have days where I experience moments of doubt and thoughts such as “when will it be my turn?” , “is it ever going to happen for us?” and “what’s wrong with me?” If you’re still reading, perhaps you can relate?

Deep down in my heart and womb, I know and trust that it’s going to happen for my partner and I, and perhaps you intuitively believe that for yourself too. But the reason why I’ve been so hush, hush about this topic is because it brings up the uncomfortable feeling of shame.

At the start of our journey I was quite open with trusted friends and family about us trying. As time went on, and more and more women close to me started falling pregnant, I started to become less excited and vocal, and more silent, doubtful and ashamed.

When we feel ashamed, the last thing we want to do is talk about that topic, right? We want to keep these ‘flawed’ parts of ourselves well hidden. But here’s the thing about shame… “We all have it. Shame is universal. We’re all afraid to talk about it. But the less we talk about it, the more control it has over us. Shame hates being spoken.” ~ Brené Brown.

According to Brené Brown’s research, “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection. Shame is the fear of disconnection. It’s the fear that something we’ve done or failed to do, an ideal that we’ve not lived up to, or a goal that we’ve not accomplished, makes us unworthy of connection. I’m unlovable. I don’t belong.”

So, what’s the antidote?

Empathy and self-compassion. The antidote to the crippling emotion of shame is compassionately acknowledging our shame and having it be met with empathy. Calling it out dispels it. “If we reach out and share our shame experience with someone who responds with empathy, shame dissipates.” ~ Brené Brown. It’s like standing up to a bully, and in doing so, the bully loses their power.

If we remain silent and choose not to share about our journey, shame continues to thrive, because shame needs you to believe that you’re alone. But you’re not alone. We’re not alone. There are so many women suffering in silence, feeling like they need to walk this path alone, which isn’t the case.

Now, I’m not in anyway saying that you need to share your story publicly. I’m advocating for women to speak up where and how they feel safe and comfortable to do so. Whether that’s with their friends, family, sisters, or wider communities. Because “Shame is a social emotion. Shame happens between people and heals between people.” ~ Brené Brown, and this is what my group container Becoming, is all about.

Becoming is about having a safe and intimate community to dispel the shame around our fertility journeys. Becoming is a self-empowering space where you can re-write your story and feel empowered about your fertility journey. Becoming is a place where all of you is welcome and you can just be yourself, without shame or judgement. Because no matter your journey, you’re not alone and you are worthy and capable of conceiving and becoming a mum.

It’s because of my own personal fertility journey that makes me passionate about supporting other women who are on a similar journey, because I personally know what it’s like to be drowned in a sea of overwhelming information about all the things that could be wrong. I personally know what it’s like to be confused and feel hopeless, and not have clear answers. I personally know what it’s like to question the reality of it actually happening.

It’s for these reasons that I created Becoming. “Create what you wish existed.” ~Kobi Yamada. I was craving a safe community where I could connect with women who understand the journey I’m on, without being judged or pitied. I wanted to be surrounded by women who are encouraging, and want to see me succeed, instead of feeling sorry for me. I wanted to positively contribute to the success of other womens’ fertility journeys. I wanted to take my power back and feel empowered about my fertility journey, instead of fearful and disempowered. I wanted to listen to and trust my own inner guidance, rather than what everyone else thinks is best for me. So, I created this space and Becoming was born.

I’m now enrolling for Becoming which starts on 7th February 2025. You can join with a $111 deposit. If you’re ready to step into your mum era in 2025, click on the link below.

Welcome lovely!
If we haven't met yet, I’m Jayne. I’m a Certified Spiral Practitioner, NLP Practitioner, Coach and Spirit Baby Medium who supports women along their fertility and conception journeys. 

My mission is to help empower you to become a Mum. I do this through my emotional clearing sessions, group containers and spirit baby readings. 

My clearing sessions help identify and clear the subconscious fears and concerns that conflict with your desire to become a Mum. My readings provide you with guidance and help you to move from fear and self-doubt, to a place of peace and trust. And my group container Becoming is a combination of all of the above.

If one of your goals is to fall pregnant in 2025, I’m now enrolling for my group container; Becoming, which starts on 7th February 2025. You can join with a $111 deposit. To learn more, click HERE.