The #1 Belief that Holds us Back
Ever wondered why others seem to be living their best life, but you’re not?
Throughout my 20s I asked myself this question A LOT! I couldn’t figure out why it was so hard to pay off my $6,000 credit card debt, or why the relationship with the man I loved always seemed to be on the rocks, or why I always seemed unsatisfied in my jobs, or why I could never seem to make decent money in my business.
After years of me doing personal development and healing work, I eventually started to see some answers. This story of “I’m not good enough” seemed to come up time and time again. It would dress up differently and wear different disguises eg. “I don’t have enough time or it’s not the right time. Who am I to do that. I’m too busy. I’ll try something else instead. No one cares what I have to say. I don’t have the money. I can’t afford that. I don’t have enough experience yet. I don’t have any value to offer” But when I looked closer and dug a little deeper, I noticed that the core belief beneath all of these stories was the same: “I’m not good enough”.
It makes total sense, because this belief stems from society’s root belief in scarcity and that there is never enough. Have you ever noticed that our society is primarily focused on lack and scarcity. People often say, “I’m so busy. I don’t have enough time, or I don’t have enough money, I didn’t get enough sleep”, and we generally feel we aren’t worthy enough to receive the things we desire eg. the clients, the money, the lifestyle, the partner of our dreams, that promotion, the body or whatever it may be.
My “I’m not good enough” story began the day my Dad left. I was 11 or 12. I was hurt so deeply that I took on the “I’m not enough” story to protect myself from ever getting hurt like that again. My Inner child thought “That wasn’t cool. I’m not gonna let that shit happen again. How do I do that? Hmmm I know… I’ll make myself feel worthless so that no one else can, that way I’m always in control.”
But come my 30th Birthday, I realised through my own work and the work with my clients, just how much this ONE false belief holds us all back. I was sick and tired of not feeling good enough. I was getting so bored of that story and that version of myself; comparing myself to others, not having enough money, being in debt, not 100% committing to my business, settling for jobs that weren’t fulfilling. I was done with my own pity party and feeling like a victim.
I realised that “I’m not good enough” is a false, limiting belief that wants me to stay in the safety of my comfort zone, and that IT’S JUST A STORY that ultimately wants to keep us all safe. When we start to shine a light on this story, it begins to lose its power, and that's when we can start to intentionally rewrite new, more empowering stories. When I became aware of this story, understood why it was there, and saw how it was impacting all areas of my life, I promptly decided to choose a more empowering story for myself. Since my 30th Birthday two years ago, I started looking at my desires as if I am worthy of them. I started putting more love and attention into the relationship with myself. I started doing regular inner child and mirror work to heal this wound.
When I started to hone in on this root belief, instead of the surface level stories, here’s what happened….
The relationship with my partner is now better and stronger than ever. The relationship with myself is now better than ever. I got serious about paying off my $6,000 credit card debt (that I had for 10 years) and paid it all off in about 6 months, and it continues to remain paid off. I have the most savings I’ve had in my account since I moved out of home when I was 20. I left a toxic job and started a new one, and since then I’ve gone from full time to part time, and will be finishing up soon to go full time in my business. This year, I invested thousands of dollars in a Practitioner Training Course, to up skill as a Coach and become a Spiral Practitioner.
These are some of the shifts that happened for me. These were things that I had been battling with for years (my relationship and finances in particular). Have I completely abolished this story? No. To be honest, I’m not sure if I ever will clear it completely. It still shows up very regularly for me, but when it does I’m aware of it and I know that I have to choice to either believe it or choose a story that serves me better. It’s something I practice, not only daily, but multiple times a day. I’m constantly catching myself on the stories I’m telling myself. Some days I do a better job than others, but for me, just living by default wasn’t working for me. So now, putting the energy and effort into my choices is so worth it for me, because I’ve seen it pay off.
I know the “I’m not good enough” story oh so well because I lived it for most of my life, because it was all I knew, and the results I was getting (or lack of results) was evidence of this inner belief / story. “Having is evidence of wanting” Unknown. ‘Unworthiness’ and ‘not enough’ were my defaults. I didn’t know anything else. But now I know that this story is just a story and it’s not one I have to keep, or continue to believe, and you can decide this for yourself too!
So, what new story are you going to write for yourself? What are you going to choose? Let’s not allow our old, disempowering stories to hold us back!
PS - If you enjoyed this blog, make sure you grab a copy of my free e-book: 5 Ways to Enhance Your Self-Worth for practical methods to change your story and enhance your sense of self-worth.
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