My Spiral Journey - Level 1
DESERVING
THEMES: self-worth | wealth | physical body | physical health | survival | stability
CHAKRA: root
EMOTIONS: shame | guilt | dogma
Hey Beautiful, welcome!
This is the first of a series of blog posts, which I intend to capture and document my own personal experience of journeying through The Spiral, for a third time. If you’re wondering “WTF is The Spiral?", it’s too lengthy to explain in this post, so you can read more about it here for some context, and then come back to finish reading this blog.
I initially went through The Spiral at the beginning of 2021 and I immediately fell in love with the process and modality, so much so, that I decided to train as a Certified Spiral Practitioner. In May 2021, pretty much straight after I completed my first journey, I went through The Spiral again, as part of the training to become a Practitioner.
Earlier this year another Spiral Practitioner asked if any other Pracs were interested in doing an exchange and immediately I felt the pull to embark on the journey once again.
Because The Spiral is a service that I offer (it’s included in my signature program Bloom), I’ve decided to document and share my own personal experience, as I thought my clients and broader community may find it interesting to hear about this work based on my own personal experience.
So last week (30th June 2022), I had my first session, which is what we call Level One of The Spiral. The overarching theme is deserving and the focus is to release shame and increase self-worth.
OVERALL INTENTION
Before anyone journeys through The Spiral, it’s important to set an intention for the overall experience.
My intention for this round of The Spiral is:
To trust in myself, my intuition, my business & my purpose on a deeper level. I desire to slow down, tap into my creativity, do more of what fulfils me, and align with the energy of what I desire, which is to trust and feel fulfilled, happy, creative, open, receptive and purposeful.
My partner and I are at a stage where we’re ready to start a family, so this is a big part of my reason for going through The Spiral and wanting to slow down. I intuitively feel that there is some emotional and energetic resistance or attachment that could be getting in the way of us starting our family, so my intention is to clear this, in order to prepare me for becoming a mum.
Outstanding results would be to fall pregnant before the end of the year and also magnetise regular clients in my business, through aligned actions, without me feeling like I have to hustle and work really hard in order to prove my worth.
LEVEL ONE INTENTION
To feel and trust that I am innately deserving, without having to hustle or prove myself.
WHAT I CLEARED
On each level of The Spiral we ‘root clear’ 3 emotions. On level One we clear: shame, guilt and dogma. When I say ‘clear’ it means that we are clearing our relationship to each of these emotions. We are NOT removing these emotions from our human experience. For each root clear (eg shame) we identified the 3 most important emotions that I anchored to each emotion being cleared.
So for me this looked like:
Shame:
Age: 2 Emotion: Spite
Age: 5 Emotion: Spite
Age: 8 Emotion: Spite
Guilt:
Age: 2 Emotion: Spite
Age: 5 Emotion: Spite
Age: 8 Emotion: Spite
Dogma:
Age: 2 Emotion: Spite
Age: 5 Emotion: Spite
Age: 8 Emotion: Spite
I cleared a shit load of spite!
I’ll mention here that It is quite uncommon for one emotion, in my case spite, to come up 9 times in a single session. So this was quite intense and it all kept coming back to anger and spite I’d been holding towards my Dad since these early ages. It made total sense for all the spite to come up to be cleared at this point in time, because of my overall intention of wanting to clear anything that was getting in the way of conceiving a baby. The spite I had towards my Dad was creating an energetic block for me, as I had some fears about patterns from my childhood being repeated if I had a baby.
I had a lot of emotion and energy come up in the session. I cried, screamed into a pillow, punched the pillow, shook my body, forgave my Dad and cut energetic cords with my Mum, to help clear it. Once I cleared all the spite I felt so much lighter. It was if I massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
INTEGRATION
At the end of a session, we set actions to help integrate the clearing that has taken place during the session. My actions were to slow down and spend more time in nature, and also connect with my spirit baby. It rained A LOT all week in Sydney, so I didn’t spend time in nature. I attempted to do 3-4 guided spirit baby meditations, but fell asleep every time. My Spiral Practitioner made a point that maybe resting was exactly what I needed to help integrate this level.
In terms of further integration and ongoing actions I can take towards experiencing more of what I deserve, I have been making an effort to visualise and feel into the energy of my desires and of having a baby, as if it’s already happening. I’m also regularly reminding myself that it’s ok (and also productive) to slow down, rest and do ‘less’, whilst still receiving.
OBSERVATIONS
What events took place throughout this level (ie the week between level one and level two)?
I kept accidentally hurting myself and feeling frustrated
I noticed I wanted to prove myself to certain people and felt guilty that I hadn’t been working “hard”
I took it pretty easy as I was in the inner winter phase of my cycle (on my bleed), but paid good attention to my physical body. I went to the sauna and spa, I did a boxing class and a couple of pilates classes and took a bath
What emotions did I experience while moving through this level?
Anger / irritation / frustration
Guilt around not working hard as hard as others
Love and gratitude towards my partner and friends
Excitement about the future with my partner
Grief - I found myself grieving the ‘vision’ I had for my business and letting go of the pressure and expectations I had put on myself to reach a certain level of ‘success’ in my business
Shame around not being a good enough Spiral Practitioner. I felt like I’d let some clients down.
Unmotivated / low energy (could have also been because of my cycle)
REALISATIONS
What insights about self-worth came up for me?
I don’t need to prove my worth through hustling or burning myself out with actions that drain my energy. I’m tired of doing that. It’s exhausting. If I desire it, I already innately deserve it.
I’ve been selfishly driven to make money in business, as a way of proving my worth (in order to seek love from my Dad) and I’d lost my connection to the reason why I started my biz in the first place, which was to help women value themselves more, build inner confidence and bloom bravely into their true purpose.
I feel like my drive for success became based on a false sense of pride, in order to avoid vulnerability.
On shame - I hate the thought of people thinking of me / seeing me struggle. I’ve made that mean people will think I’m unworthy / worthless / valueless. So I put on a brave face and struggle with asking for help and being vulnerable.
I did a statement clear: “I’m ok with trusting myself” and the emotion of shame came up. This made me realise that I haven’t been trusting myself because if I did it would mean the potential risk of losing love from others.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope you took some value from this.
Stay tuned for next week’s blog: My Spiral Journey - Level 2. The overarching theme for level two is creativity and the focus is to release fear and increase proactivity.
If you have any questions about anything I’ve mentioned, please reach out. I’d love to connect. You can send me a DM on instagram or an email to hello@jaynemartin.com.
If you’re interested in going through The Spiral, or curious about how this work could support you with:
loving, accepting, trusting and valuing yourself on a deeper level,
blooming bravely into your true purpose,
birthing a soulful business, and / or
living your most fulfilled AF life
you can read more about my program Bloom and if it’s something you feel drawn to, book in a free Meet and Greet. I’d love to chat about what you’re wanting to release and create for yourself, and see if my program Bloom can support you with that. x